i've been staring at this empty text box for mintues...
and i still don't know what to write..
hmm...
home alone.
parents are out of town.
My great-grandpa passed away.
享年 108 岁 。。
memories of him were vauge..since young he was just this strange old man that lived in my grandpa's house..he hardly talks,since he can't hear us properly..however what struck a deep impression on me was his ability and physique despite his age..
my great-grandpa was a very independent man..he does almost everything by himself..washing the clothes,cooking a meal and even had the energy to take a stroll every morning!!Not that my grand-pa didn't take care of him,but he insisted that he could take care of himself.Which he did,surprisely reasonably well at the man of his age.
until recently after his century milestone,things took a pretty bad turn..illness creeped in slowly..his body system started to mulfunction...he seldom comes out of his room unless necessary.
and then finally last night my uncle called.
Sian man...bad things ALWAYS come in a lump sum eh..
In a way i guessed it's something that was coming..
Having lived a century is not something that everyone can.
也算是不幸中的大幸吧...
well..i dedicate this entry to him.
Rest in peace.
=)
The Lessons in life...
18 might not be a very ideal age to start writing about your life and the lessons learnt..but nevertheless, it's gotta start from somwhere. Young may be my age,but there's always a pointer or two that you can pick up here and there.I wouldn't say i've seen and walked across the lands of the earth but i'm more than willing to share my lessons in life..
Pardon my ignorance if u think my statements are not fulfilling.
I've learnt that...
# it's impossible to make someone love you. All you can do is be that someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
# no matter how much I try to care, some people just don't care back.
# it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.
# you can do something in an instant that will give you a heartache for life.
# it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
# no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
# you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
# we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
# there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
# maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
# no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
# no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
# just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other and just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
# we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
# you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret; it could change your life forever.
# there are a lot of ways of falling and staying in love.
# no matter how many friends you have, all really need is that one true friend.
# the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.
# although the word "love" can have many different meanings, it loses value when overly used.
# love is not for me to keep, but to pass on to the next person I see.
#sweet memories are like your favourite song,you want to replay them again and again.
#do not indulge in them too much..if not you'll never get to hear the next better song.
#it's very natural for us to say we're okay,when we're actually not.
# even when I have pains, I don't have to be one to others.
# And last but not least....
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn..
my entries seemes kinda sloppy nowadays...
i wonder where has that zest and energy gone to...
i woke up today on the wrong side of my bed...the moment i got off...i knew there was no way i could go to school...i felt like sleeping a little longer..
which was what i did..
but a little longer than i expected..
ha...
weary weary...ever sleepy....
Tonight, i looked out of the window..i looked at a star..and wonder if you're looking at it too..
The star looked back at me... and i wonder the star looked back to you too..
These few days are just so blank...i'm just trying to make the best out of everything,constantly reminding myself to be contented.i feel like i'm lost in somewhere i don't know,seeking for an identity..a place i can relate to..
But if feeling contented means feeling empty,i guess i'm already more than contented.
=)
"It's one thing to survive,
but another to LIVE."
Are we living???
Or are we just survivng...
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Life....
what to do with it?
how to do with it?
i've been kinda sleepy nowadays..dozing off in buses...dozing off in classes...even dozing off when i get back home..
i just doze when i go.
hmm..
there's nothing much to look forward to actually..
except for the World Cup.
=)
yet another BBQ...this time is the primers...cycled there...ran a few errands since i have a transport device with me..haha..ok la..but never eat full leh..
gonna ride tml morning at BT..
juz wanna tired myself out.
hmmm...
(CREDITS GO TO MR BROWN & http://www.joelogon.com/)
How many times has this happened to you?
The stories remain the same, from the first note you passed in grammar school, to the woman you met through a mutual friend in college:
* You meet a girl who is everything you ever wanted in a life-partner: attractive, funny, smart, great personality, laughs at your jokes, understands who you are as a human being, etc. You talk to her briefly, and find out that she is even more attractive now that you've spoken to her. You ask her out. She says to you:
"I JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS"
* You meet someone: a neighbor, schoolmate, co-worker, in the same club, on the same bus. You become fast friends. One day, you realize that, in addition to being a close friend, this person is an attractive woman. You ask her out. She says to you:
"I DON'T WANT TO RISK OUR FRIENDSHIP"
* You meet a girl who you know could be the one. She makes your toes curl, your stomach knot, your mouth dry -- you become even more of a gibbering idiot then you usually are. You're so incapacitated in her presence that you can't ask her out. You decide that things will be better once you get to know her better, so you become friends. You become best friends -- so good, in fact, that you can't bring yourself to ask her out. Yet there is this nagging voice in the back of your mind that says you could be more than friends. You swear that you will tell her how you really feel. Right before you can do this, she tells you:
"I'VE MET THIS REALLY GREAT GUY"
WANT TO KNOW MORE???
scroll on dudes..
-=Rejection lines and what the girl really means-=
Not familiar with rejection lines? Here's what we really mean. So get a hint, ok, guys? Seesh.
10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that f**king pest. And I'm not into incest either.)
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one jurassic geezer.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest freak I've ever laid eyes upon.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend (He's my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).
5. I don't date men where I work. (Actually, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (It's not me, it's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)
1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have fun with. It's that male perspective thing)
hMMM...am i stereo-typing???
wellllll....so what if i am?
ha..
just got back from Jun Ming's chalet at Downtown East..celebrate his birthday eariler coz he going to cut botak liao..haha..nothing much..just playing round and slacking la...after so many times of fire starting..i and aston has officially become the BBQ fire starter specialists..
I think we should start a programme called..
ZHNG MY BBQ PIT...
You want your fire fierce fierce..you come to us..we'll make sure it look fierce and feel even fiercer ah!!haha..
hmmm..it's a long weekend ahead..
and there's nothing much i can do...
=/
ask yourself this question.
how often do u open up a window of a particular contact on MSN and stare at it blankly for hours..
hoping that somehow,one way or another the person on the other side of the window would start the conversation.Because u don't know what to say.U got so much things that u want to share badly..about your day..about what u ate..what u did in class..
But as you're about to hit the "ENTER" key,u paused..and back spaced all the crap u wrote..
u asked yourself..
"Is it that hard?"
And as the stupid cursor blinks steadily in the message box..
there u are again, back at square one..staring aimlessly...
Without a direction.
what should i write??
hmmm...
i dunno what to write..
everything i do seemed so meaningless..
there's no drive..
no desire..
no passion..
i need something to prove my existence..
something to let me realise the importance of me(if there's any)
something to make me feel that i'm here for a reason...
something to remind me i am not alone..
rather than something,
perhaps alli need is just someone...
perhaps..
It was close to 4 am when i got back to my bunk...after a day of fun and cheering and running round in the camp..i was totally exhuasted..
Before i hit the sack,i took out my hp to check for any messages or miss calls..there were a couple of them..
But one caught my eye.
It was a message from Jo.
Three words.
"My mum's gone..."
Shocked..shocked..just shocked...
I didn't see it coming..at least not for the coming few months...
I just visited her a few weeks back and she looked fine!!!We still told her to get well soon and made chicken rice for us to eat...i could still remember how great her chicken rice were..
just got back from the wake..Jo looks fine...but i really hope he is..we all know him too well..he may look ok on the outside but we know he do not want us to feel bad for him..
if i were him, i would do the same too..
hmmm..What more can i say???
Do what u wanna do..say whatcha wanna say..i guess you really have to live life as if it's the last..
u'll never know when it's too late..
Though i do not know much about her Mom..i just wanna say...
Rest Well Auntie...
Sleepless nights.
Ending up in sleeping the whole afternoon of my days..
How do i tear down the walls of silence that i've built..
Did i do the right thing?
I shouldn't have talked too much.
Have i made things complicated?
i think i did.
Damm.
what was i thinking..
Someday..
Someday,you'll know..
that it's not about how the sun will set,but how it'll rise tomorrow.
Someday,you'll know..
that it's not about how not to remember it,but how hard you'll try to get rid of it.
Someday,you'll know..
that it's not about how the story ends,but how the it begins and went through.
Someday,you'll know..
that it's not about how u can turn back time,but how time can be a great healer.
Someday,you'll know..
that it's not about how u pick up the pieces of the battle,but how u pick yourself up.
Someday,you'll know..
that it's not about how lonely u feel,but how hurt others around u feel.
Someday,you'll know..
that it's not about how bad things can go wrong,but how bad i want to be there 4 u.
Someday,you'll know..
that's it was never about me,but U..
Someday,you'll know..
that this is all that i want u to know...
Today,i know..
that i should jolly well shut up and stop my bloody nonsense and go..
hahhhahahha...